Disclaimer: At no time in this post am I claiming my children are perfect, or better than other children. I am just stating observed facts, and using my children as an object lesson. If you are offended in any way by this post, you have a problem that is your own to solve, and the application of this post’s topic in your own life just may be the solution.
We are full swing into Vaction Bible School at our church, and I am being given my yearly opportunity to see dozens upon dozens of children all at one time in one place. This is not a new phenomenon for me, as we also have music camp each year (which happened two weeks ago), and once upon a time I was a school teacher (eight years total).
Watching the behavior of the average child is a pretty amazing thing. Naturally, you have all the diverse personalities and idiosyncrasies, but the necessity of discipline always, and I mean always becomes an issue. Part of this process is a joy to me, because I am beginning to see the benefits of our own discipline in the lives of our children.
My wife and I would most likely be considered strict disciplinarians compared to today’s standards. We are not overbearing, abusive, or burdensome, but we don’t put up with much foolishness in our household from our children. I know, via observation, we are more strict than most of the other parents we interact with on a regular basis, and I’m perfectly ok with that, and here’s why.
A couple of weeks ago, during music camp, my pastor, our drummer and I were in charge of teaching the “Swat” percussion segments of the musical. (Think something akin to Stomp, but with kids 12 and under banging on barrels and various other stuff.) One of the instruments we had to teach was a set of seven Orff xylophones, an instrument which the majority of kids at the camp had never played before.
What a joy to watch my children come in, obediently pay attention, and buckle down to learn how to play a new instrument. By the end of the second day, my two older kids had their parts down near perfectly. You might say, “Yeah, but you were in the room watching them, so they were on their best behavior.” My answer is that I also observed them at other points during the day when they did not know I was around, and their behavior was pretty much the same. (And trust me when I say we have our own behavior problems we deal with on a regular basis that would make any parent throw up their hands in disgust.)
You might say, “Yeah, but both you and your wife are musicians, so no wonder they picked it up so quickly.” My answer would be that might be part of it, but it wasn’t just my kinds who made this progress. There were always two to four others in each group who did the same. Here’s the main reason why my kids, and the others around them who achieved, did as well as they did.
You see, the discipline we have at home translates into being self-disciplined outside the home. The benefit of discipline is that, when it becomes self-discipline an individual is able to focus on the task at hand and become a blessing not only to themselves but to those around them.
People who are self-disciplined enjoy life a great deal more. For example, there were always those kids who could not control themselves during the percussion time, and so we were constantly telling them “stop doing that,” “pay attention,” “stop talking,” etc. Do you think that’s any fun? I’m not just talking about enjoyment for the adults trying to maintain discipline, but more for the child who is constantly being told to stop. What a drag that must be, to have someone constantly in your face telling you to behave.
Contrast that with the kids who are obeying. They are finding enjoyment in the task at hand, rather than being constantly self-distracted by their own lack of discipline. They are personally blessed as a result of their self-discipline. On top of all that, they are also a blessing to those around them, because they themselves are not causing disctractions to those trying to work around them. They are also a blessing to the leadership and authority over them, because they are focused followers and are able to be lead in the necessary direction to get the job done as quickly and as with as high a quality as possible. That’s three levels of blessing achieved via simple self-discipline.
Watching the behavior of the average Christ-follower is also a pretty amazing thing. The vast majority of Christ-followers I have observed in my short life have not developed a well disciplined spiritual life. As a result, they are constantly distracted by the things of this world, and are in constant need of discipline by the Heavenly Father. What a drag that is (speaking as one who has been this way in times past).
How much more a blessing would we Christ-followers be if we chose to be self-disciplined in our spiritual walk? How many levels of blessing would be acheived if we were self-disciplined? We ourselves would be blessed. We would be a blessing to those around us. We would be a blessing to the leadership and authorities over us.
Above all, we would be a blessing to God.
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I feel ya. My kids are obedient and for the most part I’m proud of my daughter and the way she acts in relation to other adults’ authority.
I always feel bad for parents who don’t discipline their kids. I feel worse for the kids - they need it and want it.
Billy Chias last blog post..Worship Is Meant to Teach
There are an increasing number of kids (in our church and elsewhere) that have other issues outside of not being taught discipline. I really feel for these kids, as they have to endure adults looking and acting like they are spoiled brats with bad parents.
I was told by a fellow church member my son has a demon inside him.
Autism, ADD, ADHD…the list goes on and is growing
Of course, some are perfectly healthy and are just lacking the parental discipline you mention.
Interesting topic, to be sure.
Kevin
Kevins last blog post..Race report 20080624
@Kevin: Yeah, that’s all part of the “idiosyncrasies” I was talking about. Those types of things should always be taken into account. Having taught school, you could always see the difference in a well-disciplined child especially in those with ADHD, etc. The ones who were still lovingly disciplined were able to function so much better in their “society.”
That’s where learning how to discipline comes into play as well. Parents have to learn what works for their child and what does not. Your own son is an example of this. I don’t deal with him obviously as much as you do, but what little I’ve had opportunity, I’ve learned a few things that work with him that would never work with my own children. It just takes effort to figure it out.
As for the “demon” comment, that’s unconscionable. What a ridiculous statement to make. This was obviously made by someone who just doesn’t see clearly, and did not themselves want to make the extra effort to figure out how to interact with him. That’s really sad, and I’m very sorry for that.